


Made of Stardust

by AfterTheTempest (orphan_account)



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, Hard of hearing!Wash, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Discovery, Sexual Experimentation, Smoking, Unhealthy Relationships, ace!wash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 09:35:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2576756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/AfterTheTempest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David's whole existence became something he never intended. It became him sitting alone on his bed, sheets curled around him, lights dim. It became him being alone, keeping his head down. Friendships were hard to keep and North and York still talked to him, yes, but they had lives. They had lives beyond him, everyone did. Everything went beyond him so he stayed quiet and went to class and ate small meals. He worked different jobs and worked on going to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Made of Stardust

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of illness and smoking in this chapter. Chapters will probably be slow so sorry about that, but here it is, the fanfiction I've worked the most on so far.

The morning was anything but silent. Cars hummed in the distance, virtually unheard as he walked further away, but the park was empty. It was 4 am when David had last checked but he didn't care enough to check again. The sun wasn't up and his stomach rolled, reminding him why he wasn't in bed waiting to get up for class. He was sick as hell and the only logical decision to him was to go on a walk, to go out in the middle of the morning, ill and alone. The more he thought about it the more insane the idea started to sound.

But the trees were arching over his head and he felt like he was part of the forest and he felt like everything in that moment. It was quiet and dark and he was laying down with his bleached hair pressed the grass moments later and it tickled at his neck and he closed his eyes and pressed closer to the ground wanting to sink right in and benefit the soil. He heaved out a sigh and wiggled his foot back and forth at the ankle at a slow pace.

He felt alone in a good way and a bad way all at once and he wondered what happened. He didn't remember the shift but one year he just decided he wanted to sleep all day and be alone. Maybe it was less of a decision and more of him being tired. His body was tired, his whole being was tired. He felt weighted down and was out of work for a bit, North and York barley held him above water until he was employed again.

The dirt pressed too hard against his aching body as he lay there. The ground was starting to freeze, fall was settling in and temperatures were dropping. David's thin hoodie didn't do him much good against the breeze that kicked up the dead leaves around him. They circled his body and he knew he should get up, of course he should. He was sick, lying on the ground, in the cold, in a park was not a great idea when your nose was dripping snot and your eyes were watering. But he stayed still, the wind turned his nose red and a sigh slipped past chapped lips.

What had led up to this point in his life? What could possibly lead up to laying in the dirt at, probably, 5 am? David would have given anything to be told the answer. It just didn't exist though, well, he hadn't found it yet at least.

The leaves irritated his ears as they brushed against them, making David curl his lip for a moment before the expression slipped off his face, accompanied with a sigh. Since when did he sigh so much? The answer didn't matter, this realization led to another, David asked himself a shitload of questions but he didn't really care about any of the answers.

"-should I call the cops or-" A voice sounded from above David and his eyes fluttered open to rest on a young man. He looked college aged, well, by David's standards, pulled from the people he'd seen mostly on campus. "-are you okay?"

The words had sounded a bit too quiet at first until the man leaned down, luckily David had heard the majority of the words, avoiding trying to ask for repeats. He hated that.

"Not dead yet," he grunted, moving to sit up. Leaves and bits of dirt clung to his back. He didn't make a move to try and brush them off. "Didn't plan on anyone finding me out here."

"Public place, asshole. Other people show up."

"Before the sun's out?" David furrowed his brow, it was a sort of teasing challenge but he didn't have the strength to pull off a smirk at the time.

"Oh, shut the fuck up."

A hand was held out to him, thin, pale fingers. The man's other hand was shoved into his pocket, shoulders hunched against the breeze. David raised his own tan hand, shorter, stubbier fingers latched onto the man's and he stumbled to his feet as he was half pulled up.

"I'm, uh, Leonard by the way." The man scrunched up his nose a bit and rubbed at the back of his head.

"David." Their hands were still together, fingers locked awkwardly, palms sweaty, pressed together. Leonard took that opportunity to shake hands. After though they peeled their hands apart, hands feeling a lot colder against the wind, palms wiped on jeans, a nervous smile tossed his way before it was quickly ditched. David hadn't smiled back.

"You sure you're okay, asshole? I could give you a ride home, make sure you don't die on the way there." Usually joking and teasing was served with a smile. If the joke came from David's friends though, it was always a bit more sensitive, but this motherfucker. He didn't know David and was teasing about death right off the bat, usually then those thoughts would invade his head and tear him apart, rip him to shreds. But this fucking dick was a little different, a little like him. Neither of them smiled after their...jokes from the past few minutes and Leonard wasn't afraid to insult him. He wasn't afraid David would crack like brittle glass.

"If you want. Do I have to worry about you murdering me and stealing my shit?" David arched his thick eyebrows and slowly, with an aching body, brushed the bits of nature from his clothes.

"You don't look like you'd own anything better than a guitar and CD's from indie bands."  Leonard fought to keep up the banter, socializing was beginning to make him feel a bit tired which didn't mix well with the morning sleepiness he also possessed. At least the words didn't have much emotion or thought behind them, which made it easier to actually get through a sentence without any needless kinks and pauses.

There was nothing David felt he needed to say to that so he just threw his hood over his head to cover reddening ears. Leonard's hands found themselves shoved inside his coats pockets. It was a shitty coat really, light blue and with small tears riddled over it. In the silence, a pack of cigarettes was pulled from Leonard's pocket and he pulled out one with clumsy fingers, shielding the wind from it as he lit it.

"About that ride," David's nose crinkled against the puffs of smoke in the air. "I should probably go home and proceed to sleep and not attend classes today."

"You go to college out here too?" Leonard took another breath of smoke, when he puffed it out the cloud surrounded his head, mixed with the cloud made from warm breath on cool air, a mix of a gray mist and a white mist. He started walking, leaves crunching under his shoes. David followed, a bit close to guarantee he heard whatever came out of Leonard's mouth. "Not surprised, seeing someone doing something…’weird' around here like laying down in a park for no apparent reason isn't the weirdest thing I've seen a college kid do."

"Yeah, anyways," David rolled his eyes, lip curled slightly, nose still crinkled as the smoke flooded his own lungs and it was unpleasant but he didn't say anything. He wanted to go home. "I only live a few minutes away from here so it won't take long to get me home."

"Do you live in the first apartment complex down the street after you turn left from here?" Leonard took a drag off his cigarette and pulled a key ring out of his pocket. He fumbled with them for a moment before he was able to unlock his car.

"Yeah. Why do you ask? You live there too?" David furrowed his eyebrows as he made his way around the car. It was small and shitty with a light blue paint that was chipping at the edges. Slowly, he pulled open the door, the handle was cold against his fingers.

"Mhmm," Leonard hummed as he swung open his door, dropping into the driver's seat and closing his door loud enough to make David jump. A silence settled over them as Leonard started driving, rolling the windows down.

The wind pulled at David's mess of hair and Leonard blew smoke out of the window. It was too cold and the wind was stinging David's face, his eyes were watering but he didn't say anything for a few moments.

"What were you doing in the park so early?" David squinted against the cold air hitting his face, straining to hear Leonard's reply over the roaring wind. They were already slowing down, pulling into the parking lot. The apartment building loomed in front of them and suddenly David felt a bit sick at the idea of being alone again.

"I was going to go on a morning walk, try and wake up, get ready to take on the day." Leonard rolled his eyes as his voice took on a sarcastic tone. "And you look like shit, just go home and go to bed."

David didn't have an argument, spotting himself in the rear view mirror as he stepped out of the car. His hair was fading to an orangey blond, it needed retouching. Besides that, it was sticking up, a rumbled mess of bedhead coupled with the bags under his eyes.

"Yeah, I will." David licked at his chapped lips, the cold wind was surrounding him as he stood there so he just shut the car door, saying a farewell through the still open window, "Uh, see you around, I guess?"

There was no response and David didn’t say anything as the car started to pull away and turn around, ready to drive off. Leonard did catch his gaze for a brief moment, waving a goodbye to him. He didn’t wave back.

They were even, in theory, that way.

That thought did little to comfort him though, it just attempted to kick him while he was done. He couldn’t even muster the strength to wave goodbye. He could barely get the strength to start moving his legs, to walk through the cold as it settled heavy in his bones. There was something about the transition of fall to winter he never really liked. The pull of his freezing limbs, hung heavy at his sides. The runny noses and watery eyes. The frozen fingers, tapping absently against anything he was holding.

Winter was worse, he decided as he found himself pulling his sleep-heavy body up the stairs. His steps thudded loudly against creaky stairs and a sigh slipped past his lips. Sure, he was exhausted, he would have liked to take medicine and collapse anywhere before sleeping the day away but he was suddenly conscious of the fact he hadn’t showered in a handful of days, wincing at the thought.

David filled his days with schoolwork and sleeping. Sometime he would try to read until the words were too jumbled and his eyes were too tired so instead, today, he stumbled towards the bathroom as he entered his apartment. The only noise was his hoodie making a soft thump as he pulled it off and dropped it onto the floor. He could pick it up later.

Well he could, but he questioned whether he would find the motivation to by the next time he needed it.

Either way, he was standing in the bathroom and he struggled to remember when he’d taken his shoes off. It was safe to assume they were sitting right at the door though so he ignored it and pulled his shirt off. His reflection was looking back at him and he looked as shitty as he felt, eyelids drooped, gaze distant. Quickly, he turned his gaze away, not wanting to look anyone in the eye, not even himself.

So he kicked off his jeans, and pulled down his boxers, and tugged off his socks, leaving him feeling cold and exposed. Walking over to the tub he let his toes curl against the bathmat he stood on before pulling the curtain away and standing inside. A chill shook him and his fingers fumbled for the handle that controlled the water, giving it a quick twist to the warm side. Water poured down on him and he flinched at the chills that rocked his body from the warming water. When it reached the heat he set it on it felt like he was being burnt but he just bit his tongue and poured far too much shampoo onto his hair.

David swore he forgot how to properly complete some simple tasks. He knew he didn’t need that much shampoo but he rubbed it into his hair, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to rinse it out because there was just too much fucking shampoo. The water was pouring over his face and he hated that he felt like crying over something so dumb so he just fumbled for his conditioner. The bottle was empty.

Right, he was supposed to go shopping last week. A low sigh escaped from him as he sank to sit on the floor, water clung to his hair and eyelashes, it dripped over freckled shoulders, it rolled down his back. He was tired and his eyes hurt, he wanted to sleep but in that moment he didn’t even want to get out of the shower.

So he let the water go cold, he let it make his limbs numb and weighed down. David felt waterlogged and the feeling of drowning washed over him so he pulled himself forward, fumbling to shut the water off. Shivers ran through his frail body as he rose to his knees, pushing his hand out past the shower curtain, grasping blindly for the towel that hung on the towel rack. Fingers closed around the thick, fluffy towel, pulling it inside the shower while he also shoved the curtain open.

The air hit David’s freckle dotted skin, a drunk York once gushed to him about it, speaking words of stars and constellations and compliments. His chest swelled at the memory, the sky was always the greatest thought to him. Endless and vast, there was always something that pulled him in when he would look up at the night sky.

But he could think of that later. The air was cold and his fingers shook lightly so he pulled the towel around his body, stepping out of the shower and taking slow steps out of the bathroom itself. David’s feet carried him to his bedroom and he promptly sat in the bare mattress. He was supposed to have washed his sheets. Pillows and blankets found their home bunched together in the middle of the bed.

That could wait. It could wait until tomorrow or next week because no one was waiting on David. No one was expecting things from him, besides classes, and in a day he could just barely complete his work. But everything else could wait because for once no one was waiting on him so maybe he could put it off for one more day.


End file.
